Male ego

So, this morning I awoke once again quite early. How early I have no way to tell. I lay there with the eyeshades on in compliance with M's new directive for the rest of the holiday. I tossed and turned, fell briefly in and out of sleep a few times. This just heightened my sense of frustration as each time I awoke I realised how powerless I was!

After what seemed like an age I heard M move. Shortly afterwards she said simply "sieben Uhr". This was a statement, not an invitation to chat. She wants silence too in order to doze off again. She made this clear last night. At home, she bought a babies dummy to shove in my mouth for such occasions and it would not take much for her to have me shop for one here. That, I want to avoid.

Some time later she told me I could take off the mask. No surfing allowed. I asked if I could cuddle into her and she agreed. It felt wonderful, especially after a long time isolated in the sleeping mask.

When she later told me I could surf, I told her that I preferred to continue cuddling and we spooned for a long time.

Yesterday was our first beach day. Luckily I had managed an hour sunbathing on the balcony on Tuesday, reddening up my milk white tits. My tan lines were still visible but not so noticable as before. Still, I tried to tan them up as quickly as possible.  M had painted henna tattoos on my chest and stomach the night before. Nothing too bad, unless you could speak my native tongue. Most cannot!

Later she sent me to walk the beach, topless. I was embarrassed and just hoped nothing was too visible. I did catch the eye of the lady beside us on the beach and she smiled broadly. In my mentally fragile state my imagination ran wild and I assumed she saw the bikini outline. I blushed from cheek to cheek. Chances are, it was just a friendly smile. But I am certainly prone to moments of panic when I fear I have been "discovered".

Yesterday, M opened the hotel room door wide to call the chambermaid just as I was putting on my pink bra. Another M rule, I must wear a bra always when we are together.

I freaked and pulled it off and complained loudly and bitterly. "Your male ego is really a problem " she said . "It's the chambermaid...so what. You don't know her. I need to squash that male ego and I will eventually". "It matters what I think of you...does it matter what others think?" she asked. My mind said...you bet it matters...but I knew better in that moment and just said " Sorry   it does not matter. I apologise".

Five minutes later she asked what book I brought to read on the beach. I showed it to her. She then reached into her case and pulled out a book. The cover had pink heart cookies and the title...Die Gluckskockin...the cook of luck.  "You are now reading this first". This was the punishment for my earlier outburst. 351pages of a German Chick-flick novel. So I sat on the beach yesterday with partly white tits, wearing only a badly fitting bikini bottom, reading my punishment book. 8 chapters done. 25 to go.

Holidays can be so relaxing!

Hanna